Sunday, January 15, 2012

PORCELAIN BUS, GARBAGE BOWL & BEING SICK

We are all adults. I am going to be blunt and a little naughty with my choice of words here. Do not hate me. It’s delirium. I have been driving a PORCELAIN BUS for the past 8 days battling the flu. Finding humor in this whole ordeal makes it tolerable for me. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, let me explain. A porcelain bus is a toilet. Here’s WHY in case you never saw the comedy show that first brought it to the world’s attention. Visualize this. A city bus driver, sitting tall, hand on the wheel. Me... on the floor in my bathroom, with my arms wrapped around the bowl as I repeatedly vomit. My bobble head never skipping a beat. See the similarities. Or better yet, imagine me at a FANCY schmancy SPA... paying the price for expensive COLONIC therapy... as I sit my aging derriere on the THRONE... um, COMMODE seat to EVACUATE my bowels, oops! CLEANSE MY SOUL. On the other hand... I’ve been using my brand NEW Rachael Ray GARBAGE Bowl... I got for Christmas, for the EXACT same purposes... when I can’t CRAWL out of bed from the high fever and chills. It’s just the right size, who knew? One has to be creative when you’re suffering like this. Not a pretty picture, I’ve painted. Is it? Too much information, you say. I'M SORRY. Just wanted you to all know why I’ve been missing in action, reading and commenting on your blogs. Good thing for me I only post here, once a week. This is THAT update. Please do NOT worry about me. Things are looking up. In the past 24 hours I seemed to have turned a corner. My PJ’s are drenched. The fever has finally broke. Food, other than saltine crackers, has suddenly become attractive. But my stomach is still doing flip-flops, so easy does it on my intensines. Chicken Soup with Matzoh Balls, scrambled eggs, or a plate of egg noodles slathered in mushroom soup… while doing absolutely NOTHING for my refined palate… might just stay down. Meanwhile, ginger ale, made with REAL ginger, WETS my WHISTLE... even though I hate soda pop. This bout with FLU has taught me some valuable lessons. Number 1. Flu Shots do NOT work. Number 2. $H!T... pardon me, FECES Happens when you least expect it. Number 3. This TOO shall PASS.

29 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

So sorry you were hit so hard with that violent bug. I always think I'm pretty safe since I do get that flu shot every year. It appears you found one of the strains not covered by it. Glad to hear you are on the up side of a very down hill battle though. I truly had never heard that expression of the porcelain bus before, but now I'll probably never forget it. I have read that ginger is very calming to the stomach and hopefully it'll continue to calm yours. A book I read recently mentioned that someone was eating ginger cookies to overcome travel sickness and then my daughter said it helped her morning sickness and they actually have them for pregnant women. Take good care and go slowly...you have to get your strength back now.

Tami said...

I feel horrible for you! I really hope you feel better soon! I miss you!!! Sorry, but I did chuckle at the way you ended the blog. Glad you didn't loose your sense of humor!!!

Belle said...

I'm sorry you have been so very sick. I've had a few other blogging friends who have had this. It is a terrible strain of flu not covered by the shot. I got a flu shot but won't be safe. My family gets every disease that goes around so I'll probably get it too. Glad to hear you are getting better.

LYN said...

Nothing worse..but glad you kept your sense of humour ..pop over to my blog..i just listed what I've been reading...:-)

Sheila Y said...

Hope you are on the mend now. Terrible to be sick so long. Hopefully you can park that bus for now...glad to see you didn't lose your sense of humor...ha. Take care, Sheila

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Glad you are on the mend.

Ina in Alaska said...

Oh no! Hope you get better SOON!

jaz@octoberfarm said...

i am glad to hear you are finally feeling a bit better!!! flu is nasty! i never get flu shots.

Lucy said...

My flu shot is still working I guess. Never have had much of a problem with the shots. I GUESS YOUR SHOT DID NOT WORK!!!! I am so glad you are feeling better. You and 2 other people said they can not comment on Jacks blog. I have passed the word around to Jack as of this morning added your name to the list. Many people can not comment. I thought everyone hated me cause no one was commenting. I think I fixed my situation. Never know with these blogs. Take care.

alphawoman said...

Good thing is maybe you will loose some weight! Not that I am inferring you need to, it just always seems to be the only redeeming value of the flu. So sorry to hear about this. i have not had a bad flu in over 35 years. I probably just jinxed myself.

Pat MacKenzie said...

Poor Teryterre. I hope you don't mind that I laughed as I read your blog - not that I don't have COMPLETE sympathy for your poor flu-wracked body, but the images you paint with words are just too funny not to laugh at. I sure hope you're on the mend, although the food you thought you could keep down, except for the chicken soup, would make me gag!

Life Line said...

Just be careful and take care of yourself.

Pam said...

Glad you're on the mend. Just think of all the weight you lost. That's a plus.

Nezzy said...

Oh bless your heart that ya can even 'joke' about the porcelain bus. I'm thrilled your feelin' good enough to take in nourishment and write about it.

As sad as it is, it makes for some great blog fodder sweetie.

The flu shot does not or has ever protected from stomach type flu. For you, I'm soooo sorry!

God bless, take care and here's sendin' some big old hugs and healin' prayers your way my friend.

I wish I could do something to help! :o)

Hollie said...

I'm so sorry that you have been so sick! I sure hope & pray you feel much better!!

Formerly known as Frau said...

Holy shit...sorry that sounds horrible...I'm glad you are on the mend but still wow I wouldn't wish that on my enemies! Take care!

One day at a time said...

Sounds awful, i am so pleased you feel better, take care now to build your strength back up. Your comments give me great support to try and face these anxiety issues. Best wishes jackie x

Nelle said...

So sorry you are so ill. Please call your doctor if you are not better by now. Once my Mom had an ecoli infection and thought it was the flu. I had to practically carry her to my car and get her to the ER. They said there is a strain of the flu this year that was not covered by the shot. Usually the flu starts with a bad cold, did you get that too? Hoping and praying you are much better now.

Cliff said...

Sorry about having to sit on the thundermug. Man, I hate that. I hope I don't get a computer virus just by visiting here.

Soos said...

(((TaryTerre)))

Donna said...

That's a long time to be sick!

Lucy said...

I want to thank you for good wishes. My blog explains that I am in the middle of changing doctors. Afterr taking all my information and updating it from 2010 I am told by the front office that I can use my insurance card but he was out of network so I would have to pay more. So I went looking and my records are in the process of being transferred. I hope yo found a way to get to Jacks blog. I just kept adding to the list.

Lisa said...

Hope you are feeling better now, Hugs Lisa

Bobbi said...

Oh boy, are you having a time! I hope by now you're feeling better. I love that you can keep your sense of humor through this ugly time.. Poor you. This is the flu that I always pray stays away from me because I hate throwing up!! I guess nobody really likes it... but I think I hate it a little more than most. Ugh.
I know people who have had flu shots who have gotten deathly ill from the shot.. that's why I choose not to take it. I don't know... who knows??! I just hope you're feeling better. And thanks for the laughs.

Forty Pound Sack said...

Ah, hon, glad you didn't flush your sense of humor along with your innards. Hope you're better now!

Lucy said...

TARRYTERRE, I just want to thank you for your comments. If it were not for my blogger friend, I am not sure what I would do. At 82, most of my friends are dead. or they are like me and just stay in. I am so glad you are over the flu. How is your knee?

One day at a time said...

Just wanting to wish you a happy sunday, the sun keeps coming in and out today, louie outside cutting wood for our fire.
Best wishes x

Red Rose Alley said...

Yayyyy!!! We both changed our comment section to the pop-up comments now. Isn't is much easier? I left a message on your other blog. I have been trying to get through to you to see how you're doing since your flu bug. I've just been spending a relaxing day with my son. I'm glad I am able to connect now. Have a good Sunday.
~Sheri at Red Rose Alley

Sonya said...

I'm so sorry you have been sick. Are you feeling better by now? It has been several days. You take care!!!!