Sunday, February 5, 2017

HOW DO YOU APOLOGIZE?


Remember the cartoon Dagwood and Blondie? It often made me smile. Poor misunderstood Dagwood. Seems no matter what he did he was always in the doghouse over something. I do not remember him buying flowers or cards, candy or jewelry to apologize? Do you? He just had lots of excuses why it happened and why it wouldn’t happen again. Truth is in real life when somebody does something to HURT you… whether intentional or not… do they owe you an apology and what kind? Sometimes the hurt runs so deep that mere words alone do not let somebody off the hook, do they? Or is something more needed? Particularly between husbands and wives?  If your spouse flippantly told you to buy yourself something at Jared or Kay after getting caught doing something naughty? What would you do? Is that enough of an effort put forth to erase the bad and allow you to forgive them? Do monetary gestures tackle the problem or make it worse in your opinion? The greeting card companies have hundreds of cards lining the store aisles that address the problem and say  I’m sorry for you. Have you honestly ever bought one? Or more importantly received one? Maybe a different approach works. Have you ever given somebody the SILENT treatment when they do not appear to capitulate in some form to acknowledge the trouble they caused and the hurt they inflicted?  To forgive is often easier said than done, isn’t it? But in the long run, when you love someone what choice do you have?  This too shall pass. Or does it? Do you hold a grudge? My husband seldom if ever says he’s sorry. Yet, I always do, for even minor infractions, guilty or not. Are we mismatched or what? How do you apologize? 


12 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

It certainly doesn't hurt to say you are sorry. You are so right when we love some one we do it. Letting go of the hurts isn't always easy but the best for all concerned.

jack69 said...

I wrote a book once. Some marriage suggestions. I asked on a forum of professionals I attend, for a short 'word of wisdom. to put in the book. The one I remember best was, "The one who apologizes FIRST loves the most."

Anyway I appreciate apologies whether it is me making one (which is a lot) or someone to me. I despise the 'back handed apology that goes, "I am so very sorry, BUT IF YOU HADN'T DONE SUCH AND SO IT WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED" That is not an apology if it is accompanied with a Rolex watch!

Good thoughts.(I have lots of experience at apologizing, OUCH)

betty said...

Over the years because I have been guilty of doing the silent treatment (because my mom would do it to us growing up at times and I learned that from her) I learned if I truly was the one that needed to apologize I would apologize quickly or take the blame if I was truly the one at blame. My husband too has trouble saying he's sorry (maybe its a male thing?) I am quick to offer forgiveness if someone does apologize, but I don't necessarily forget the wrong doing and completely trust again; that they have to 'earn' back.

betty

Cindi said...

To err is human.
To forgive is divine.

We can forgive, but never forget.
Remember.

Mevely317 said...

This is so crazy ... how so often Blog citizens' minds think alike! (I've been germinating a similar post for a few weeks now.)

Like Betty alluded, I think their failure to apologize is a 'guy thing.' Both my hubby and my son are affected. On the other hand, I'm a pathological apologizer. Not sure if I'm overly insecure or just want to keep the peace, but often it's an automatic response. (Pathetic, yes.)

Jean said...

My husband is not a apologizer I do if I think I'm in the wrong. Lol. Great post as always. Jean

jaz@octoberfarm said...

i believe in sincere apologies. i don't think my husband has ever apologized to anyone.

Cheryl @ TFD said...

I believe in apologizing. Hubby has a bit of a hard time which I also think might be a man thing. :) Good post!

Red Rose Alley said...

Oh Taryterre, I do love you because you can say you're sorry.....and so do I, when I wrong someone. It surprises me how many people can't. This post hit home for me, my dear, as I'm going through some family issues right now. Believe me, I've been hurt more times than I can count by people, but like you said, "what choice do we have?" Often others make the choice not to forgive, and they think it will benefit them, but the truth is, it only harms us when we don't forgive. Oh, I need this post tonight so much. My heart has been troubled lately, and I thank you for this gentle reminder, my blog sister.

love, ~Sheri

Jon said...

I can identify with what Myra said in her comment. For a very long time I was a pathological apologizer. I apologized for being born.

Lately, I've become much more bitter and cynical. My apologies are few and far between. I do believe that most men have a "macho" ego that instinctively prevents them from apologizing.

My violent, abusive, impossible father NEVER apologized for anything...and I mean NEVER. No matter what happened, it was always someone else's fault.

Red Rose Alley said...

Thank you for your comment today, Taryterre. You are special, indeed.

Wishing you many blessings in your life.

love, ~me

Susan said...

Hello Taryterre. Well, methinks men and women are VERY different. I find it's best to forgive but then be more cautious in the future. I don't let anyone trample my feelings and try not to trample on others. It happens occasionally, though, since we are all human. Some people in my life never apologize but I choose to forgive them anyway.

Thanks so much for your faithful visits. Love them. Susan