Monday, November 7, 2011

THE BOOMERANG KID

At age 31... our youngest daughter, who is a microbiologist, officially became a BOOMERANG kid. She moved back home with us because she lost her job. Everything she owned went into storage. We paid for it, along with her cell-phone and car insurance. After living with us for about 6 months... she found another job. With our financial help she moved to St. Louis to begin life anew. Within the first week or two there, her employer flew her to Denver for training. They praised her skills. Everything was going great until a new boss came in to run things, a couple months later. Our daughter and that boss had a personality conflict that couldn’t be resolved, so she QUIT working there. With no job, she bummed around, trying to find another. Getting contract work, tided her over for a while. After a year... when her money ran out, she did what she always did,  she called us for help. My husband and I are not spring chickens. But rather than pay someone else to do it... we made the trek to St. Louis, to help her physically move out of her rented townhouse. Destination... our place... once again. Once here, she dug her heels in... refusing to look for local work or helping out around the house. She had a huge chip on her shoulder. We all had a tough time getting along. And no one was happy. She sat online... all day and night... playing World of Warcraft, while we prayed for a solution. About 5 months later she informed us she had found a new position in Tacoma, Washington. This was 2,500 miles away. There was no relocation package. She had no money... so my husband and I had to subsidize the journey there. Then... we also had to pay... for someplace for her to lay her head at night, until she got her first paycheck. Everything was fine until she had chest pains, four months into the new job. She suspected she had had a heart attack. A visit to the doctor confirmed she had an irregular EKG result. She told this to her employer. They suggested she take a medical leave of absence until this was resolved. She agreed. But then... they fired her for not coming to work. Yet... amazingly, they continued to pay her for the duration of her contract. All of this added more stress to our daughter’s situation. While she tried to recuperate her health, it became clear she couldn’t stay there. So she packed up her car... and drove the 2,500 miles back home to us... yet again. She was 33 going on 34. She was supposed to be out on her own, grown up, with a life. Things for all of us became complicated, once more. Old patterns die-hard. Back in her old room upstairs, she acted more like a willfull child instead of an adult. And unfortunately we treated her accordingly. Another year and a half passed. She is now going on 36 years of age. With renewed health... and after circulating thousands of resumes, she finally got a bite. This time it was in Arizona, at a hospital on an Indian Reservation. They were willing to pay for her relocation, and needed her to start at the end of October. She immediately took the job. The movers came in, packed up her stuff and off she went. With nary a look over her shoulder, she barely said goodbye. Before she left, we had a heart to heart talk with her. A little tough love from us, a little too late. We told our daughter... she was going to have to... somehow, someway make it work, this time... whatever happened in Arizona. Now that we were unemployed, and living on Social Security, we couldn’t afford to support her financially anymore. There was no coming home, except for a visit. She said she understood. I really hope she does.  Although we miss her... my husband and I have been readjusting... to the empty nest left here by her absence... quite well. To tell you the truth... it’s been nice, just the two of us. But... we can’t help wondering if the BOOMERANG kid will bounce back and make a go of her life, at long last. Or fail miserably.  Her TRACK RECORD speaks for itself. Our fingers are crossed.

26 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I do hope that your daughter does well at her new job. She really has been lucky to always have you there to support her. Visits home are always nice but we do like to see them settled and taking care of themselves.

Hollie said...

I know it has been hard on you guys! I'm praying she makes a go of it this time!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Tough times indeed, hope she makes a real go this time.

That corgi :) said...

hugs to you all; we have a Boomerang child, he came back once, not sure if he is coming back again, time will tell over the next few months, but we are subsidizing where he is at right now, which we can't continue to do for too much longer. He's 22 though; I would hope in his 30s he would be a bit more settled. I think it is wise for you and your husband to have that talk with her and I can only hope the job goes well for her in Arizona. That tough love is soooo hard when they become adults, but we got to do it for their (and our) good!

will keep the situation in my prayers

betty

Nelle said...

I have a few problems like this with my son. He rented a house for a year but didn't take care of it and they made him leave. We helped to pay for repairs and moved him back into our house. After a year I told him he needed to be back on his own. He hated that idea but finally gave in. He also lost a good job but his Dad who can afford to is letting him stay in an extra room at his place. I have told him that we cannot afford another person here. He's a good guy but it seems like this generation has a hard time keeping jobs or feeling that they are responsible when things don't go as planned. Saying prayers and wishing you a good outcome.

Whosyergurl said...

Wow. I'm so sorry. That sounds so tough. Sounds so hard on the two of you in so many ways.
I have a brother who is a felon. He has been arrested four times. He is now in jail awaiting his pre-trial hearing. I hope/pray/threaten that he is NOT going to move back home with my parents again. They have told him that he isn't, but I fear they will cave when the time comes. He said to them "I hope you'll let me come back for a couple of weeks to get it together." OH PLEASE. He didn't get it together in two years...in fact, got back into drugs and got arrested again. I do not want him to die...by his own hand or another in jail, but I hope they help him to learn his lesson. He is hoping to get put in rehab just to get out of jail. I hope we can get him into a place that is not with my parents. Oh well, I digress. Thanks for listening. xo, Cheryl

jack69 said...

Boy you open a bag of worms for so many parents. We expect someone to grow up, be ready for the responsibilities, because we had to. Most parents have enough experience to sympathinze (understand) your situation. WE are guilty of 'one more time' ourselves. This time we mean it. (we hope!)

Life is hard, and 'not thinking ahead' makes it worse.
Best of luck to you, letting you know, we are with you and understand.
Love from here!

Funny in My Mind said...

We have been there. My 21 year old has been to 4 colleges, left them all, moved back home and brought the chip on his shoulder each time. Halloween weekend, he went with a friend to St. Louis (3 hours away) and a took a duffel bag. He called us Sunday night at 8 to tell us he was not going to be at work at 7am (he works as a cook and server for us) and he was not coming back home. I have no idea whose clothes he is wearing, who he lives with or how he is even eating but he texted me to say he has 2 jobs and a singing audition at a college.
What can you do? I pray a lot. And drink a bit.

Donna said...

It takes some kids longer to grow up than others.

jaz@octoberfarm said...

hey...don't feel bad! it is the state of the economy. she is so lucky to be able to fall back on you and it i always our roll as parents to be there to help however we can. even if kids are in their 30's, they still need their parents. i had no parents growing up and i know how scary it can be when times are tough and you have no one to lean on. i know when our kids still act like they are 5 it is hard to put up with them. but you are teaching her what good parents do. it is always good to take care of the ones we love. i think you two are wonderful and believe me, some day she will really appreciate it!

Lori said...

I hope it works out for her this time. It is so hard out there right now, no matter what your age is.

Pam said...

Hope this job works out for her. My brother has a boomerranger, that just moved back home again. This time with his wife. He has never been able to hold a job for more than a few months and his wife has decided that she wants to work for a church that is just starting up, so she took a non-paying job there. So basically two grown adults with no jobs.

Roean said...

I can't get my kids to come out for a visit let along move back in with me. Somewhere there's got to be a correlating middle point that works both ways.

Sheila Y said...

I hope things work out with your daughter and she takes your talk to heart. Take care, Sheila

Hollie said...

Yes, the fryer doesn't use oil! It is wonderful!! Home Depot have them. The Big Easy oil-less turkey fryer! It's AWESOME!!

Rose said...

I have your daughter in my prayers that this job will work out for her.

I'm also praying for you and your husband. Being a parent is the toughest job in the world.

Hugs, Rose

Nezzy said...

I sure hope your daughter appreciates what a wonderful Mama she has in you.

I've been there, done that. 'Kept throwin' my daughter, Social Butterfly back out into the world and she'd bounce right back home. Heeehehehehe!!!

My prayers are with both you and your daughter. Life is about as tough as I've seen right now.

God bless and have a great fall day!!! :o)

Red Rose Alley said...

It seems that they leave home, and they always come back. I do hope that everything works out for your daughter. These are trying times right now, aren't they? I am thinking of you today, and sending love your way. Your comments on our blog are always so sweet, and we would love it if you could follow us, and I would certainly come back and follow you as well. Have a lovely evening - just you and your husband.
~Sheri at Red Rose Alley

Lucy said...

You TARYTEERE, my heart goes out to you. I can not even begin to say how much I sympathize with you. I can relate only my son was deep in to alcohol. His father passed away at 37 after we had been married for 6 years. He married and moved to Tx. and they had 3 children but he would not hold a job. His wife supported them. She finally left him and he had to work. Somewhere along the way after me helping him with money and bailing him out many times he has decided I did something, which I have no idea what, but he will not return my calls. The last time I saw him was in 1992 when he came back to be one of the pall bearer for his oldest half brother who died at 42. He and his wife were still together. I have not heard from him for years so I finally had to let go. I am 82 and I will never see him again. If he can't see me while I am still alive, why come to my funeral. I truly hope your problemn child is ok now for your peace of mind.

Jon said...

I hope the Boomerang Kid bounces back (I'm sure she will).

alphawoman said...

Reading this I caught my breath and realized that I am not alone wondering when my daughter will "grow up". It sounds like so many of us feel your pain and hope. There is always hope. Am I old fashioned to say maybe she will meet someone who will help complete her life and support her in all ways? On another level, I went back to stay with my parents more times than I care to admit (lol). But I always paid them rent - they insisted - and I feel that I always respected and appreciated all they did for me. I am certain your daughter feels the same.

Nezzy said...

Hey Darlin', I just wanted to thank ya for your visits and hoppin' on my blog. I sure do hope ya'll enjoy the ride!

Sorry I've been slow to get back to ya. We're havin' a wedding here on the Ponderosa this weekend and I've been just a little (massively) busy.

God bless you weekend and in the words of that silly old Granny Clampett, "ya'll come back now...ya hear!!! "

Diann said...

This has become a major occurence with children lately. I have a lot of friends going through the same thing. Your daughter has been very lucky to have you and your husband throughout all of this. But, it is time for her to deal with things on her own. I wish you and her good luck!

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Ninny said...

Oh boy, does that sound familiar! Our daughter and her husband always had trouble managing their finances, and once the babies came into the picture it got harder. More than once we "loaned" them money to help them pay rent, make a car payment, etc. Finally, we decided if they wanted to help their situation they needed to finish college and they agreed. So, two adult children and two babies moved in with us for 18 months while they got their act together. They've been back on their own now for over a year, but I hold my breath. I know they must do it by themselves, but now that there are grandchildren it's harder to do the tough love thing. I wish you luck, and me too, LOL

Lucy said...

Tarryterre, I was reading about your affair on e-bay. Do not go to Craig's list. I read in the paper that there was an ad for men to help with fenceing, and the first applicant knocked on the door and it opened and someone shot him, but he got away and went to a neighbors house. Then the next guy was not so lucky. He died and the police found him in a shallow grave. Sick people!!!!!